moving to www.victorcajoles.wordpress.com 

friendster blogs are an archive of our self-proclaimed coolness. admit it. review your blogging style 3 years ago and tell me what made you throw up.

I am  eating bitter guava. Bitter guavas are good after a hearty lunch.

Earlier I was ranting on the hallways. My boss is not here so we practically are  licensed to be "our unprofessional selves" for a day.

Then the Thai front-desk person told me something to this effect:

"Vic, Ms. Aman is just coming. Your client right. She’s late, the appointment is 10 AM but she’s just coming".

And so the agitated me, was again fueled up in rage because the client is 30-minutes late and by 11 AM  I have another appointment with a more-important person - a 24-year old soon-to-be Dutch intern from Saxion.  Obviously I’m more interested in discussing with this guy his 4-month internship with our quote wonderful unquote company than meeting up with a lady who will give us money.

And so I told him, while I walk out to the lobby "Tell her that by 11 AM we will have to finish the appointment because I have another appointment. Well she is 30-minutes late" in my usual agitated voice.

Then the front-desk guy answered "No she is here. This is Ms Aman" pointing to the lady sitting at the reception. I felt like for three seconds, I was in New York. And it’s winter"

But then I managed to hide Winter New York in my innards and introduced myself, and asked her to proceed to the conference room. When she was in, I threw off a HOT Bangkok afternoon to the front-desk guy:

Victor: "You said she’s coming ! You didn’t tell me she’s here! I was screaming right in front of her"

Front-desk guy: "I said she just coming. (with matching gestures to justify the ignorance)"

Victor: "Then you shouldve said "SHE’S HERE!"Are these two words hard to remember?! Next time don’t use the word coming. Besides it doesn’t sound decent."

Then I entered the conference room and spent the next 30 minutes with her. After the meeting, the Front-desk guy approached me again:

"Vic, the intern is here".

My appointment with this young, 6-foot tall, blue eyed Dutch intern is another story.

today i received a call from the uk regarding a high profile murder case.

i spoke to the son of a british businessman in thailand who was murdered by his thai lover last week. it was sensational because the brit allegedly had "predicted" his own death. the crime was over a dispute of property (what else could be the reason behind a poor thai girl marrying an old white guy?)

ugly, ugly,ugly, disgusting, impoverished thai people from the mountains taking advantage of falangs*. so you think thai culture is beter? you think thai culture is smooth as silk, soft as their wais seem to be? behind these smiles are the gruesome intents of using you.

sorry… i can’t contain it.

i felt sorry for the son. talking to the son of a murdered person is not the same as talking to someone who wants to file a divorce or a property dispute lawsuit. no words can console his disdain.

anyway…

he will be meeting us up personally next week. and this will be big.  the victim’s name is in the news for the past days. and so will be ours.

big splash. such a nice way to end my legal career huh?

I heard may bagyo sa Pinas ngayon. Ang pangalan Frank.

Bakit Frank? Ano ang Frank? Sino si Frank? What does "Frank" tell about our culture?

I remember PAGASA changing the way they name a typhoon during the year 2000 from women’s folk nicknames to adapting modern and English names as a gesture of modernity (although they are just ashamed to admit that their heads are bleeding to come up with another -ing ending folkname because obviously, they already ran out of it). Hence the arrival of typhoon Milenyo, and typhoon Jolina (which were the two most remarkable for me).Imagine a lot of people dies out of a typhoon named after you? How would Jolina have felt having killed all these people?

There was a typhoon which was supposed to be named Gloria, but they changed it to, Glenda ba yun? Apparently they dont want to associate the havoc the typhoon could create with the president. Well Im sorry to say PAG-ASA, Gloria has done ten times worse atoxities than a superbagyo could do to the Philippines.

But then I digress.

So sino nga si Frank? Frank Chavez? Or is he some soap opera character whom I have no idea of? Sabi nung isang kaibigan ko Frank Burger daw? May Frank Burger ba? How could PAGASA name a typhoon over a burger? Or is my friend just giving me BS?

PAGASA couldve named the typhoon Felipe, for Julian Felipe. Or Haring Felipe for that matter (sino daw si Haring Felipe tanong ng mga tanga). Or Florante. Tapos na ba ang Florante? Could anyone confirm? Or Flordeluna. Bongga yung bagyong Flordeluna. Very melodarma. Alam mo na agad na babaha. Babaha ng luha…

Or sabi ko nga kay Icy, Fanny, for Fanny Serrano. Bagyong Fanny. Nakakatawa yung Bagyong Fanny, but then again, di yata bagay. Ang alam ko kasi nakakatakot ang bagyo.

Or maybe Fatima. Fatima is a driving force in nursing education nowadays (not that im impressed). Ilang libong nursing graduates every year ang galing ng Fatima (at ilan ang bumabagsak?) I go for Bagyong Fatima.They are truly taking the country by storm.

PAGASA, do you hear me? Do you have like a Creative Team that could pull-off effective typhoon names than what you can come up right now? Better yet, why dont you come up with a "Name a Typhoon" contest. O para mas exciting, name a typhoon, tapos hulaan ang magiging signal nito. What do you think? You like it right? Brilliant, right? Make it a gameshow. Put Kris Aquino as host.

Strucked by nostalgia at work, I caught myself in soliloquy trying to figure out if I’ve made something out of my life, or if it had mattered at the least. I was browsing over imeem when I saw this Collective Soul Video - Run. Kind of reminded me of my old self (or my young self perhaps) years back when my biggest self-issue was if I’m going to make it to orange belt or I’ll be stuck forever as a yellow belter in Karate Do (I’ve had schedule management issues, trying to balance my Karate career and my studies - oh great, you’d say). 

Personal issues - our personal issues evolve as we discover ourselves plunge deeper into wisdom (or lack of it) of the outside world.I had my share of them. From stupid and childish, to grave and life changing. For what it’s worth, personal issues can kill me.

Now Im lured into thinking that I have made my life matter by doing such a brave act - go WEST where nobody speaks your language and nobody lives your culture, and start a new life where you can be proud of yourself.

I am proud of myself, but Collective Soul once again, slaps me with this perennial question:

"Have I got a long way to run?"

Okay. Personal-issue boy killed by a music video.

<object width="400" height="345"><param name="movie" value="http://media.imeem.com/v/c_Tk3R98GN/pv=2"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://media.imeem.com/v/c_Tk3R98GN/pv=2" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="345" allowFullScreen="true"></embed><a href="http://www.imeem.com/people/9D_n0N1/video/_UpbM6-f/collective_soul_run_music_video/">Run - Collective Soul</a></object>

i have a crush…

and yeah, thanks for raising an eyebrow. i know that at this age the term crush should be used a little less than never; such a term is nearly deemed obsolete nowadays when the rest of the world has learned to be very vocal and upfornt. thanks to hi-technology we can now tell our prospects / preys / victims that we like them / head over heels with them, without having to face probable humiliation, just in case we dont get the affirmative response we’re hoping. we can now tell our hidden desires in many ways, impersonally (read: digital message), which will lead me to my next point - if you like someone, its either you end up in bed with him/her in a snap, or maybe not.

i refuse to give in, nonetheless. i have a crush, and as of press time i dont have any plans of telling my crush that i like him. like, so damn like him. i dunno, maybe i suddenly thought of shifting to gradeschool mode or something. you know how it was when you’re in gradeschool and you like someone, you keep it a secret to yourself or to your closest friends. you’re  plainly contented that you’re seatmates with your crush in class, or in your schoolbus… these instances give you butterflies in your stomach, only that it feels better than the flutters you feel during graded recitations.

anyway, my crush,whom we will call "x" is a very intelligent 26-year old guy who grew up in the states. i will spare you the details of how i met him, since it is so unromantic. going back, x is a graduate of interior design and has been back here in bangkok less than a year ago to pursue his career in this city. he lives somewhere im not familiar with, only that i know is that it is far far from my place. he is a vegetarian, or did he say vegan? i think he is a vegan since he eats cheese, and eggs, and drinks milk - well, soy milk for that matter. he  said he is agnostic. he’s got this very interesting take on things i could listen to his stories and his insights for hours (well i dunno, maybe because he is my crush.)

and how did he get to be my crush? ive always known myself to be a go-getter. and if i like someone, id always go for him and tell him that i like him, and god knows (or buddha knows) what’s gonna happen next. so crushes for me are uncommon phenomena.but with him, i tend to keep my admiration to myself because i dont want  to scare such a precious guy off.  i happen to like this guy because of his wits. i know he is very smart, but hes not the type of smart guy who would bore you with his apprehensive commentaries on things. this guy, speaks my language (and dont fuckin ask me if he’s half filipino).he speaks the language of a commoner. he does not brag about what he’s got, what he’s capable of doing, and what he knows. he is so opposite paradon who once gave me a lecture about the world’s superpowers (its not that im not interested with the superpowers, but he talked about it while we were eatin pretzels in fuckin auntie anne’s, one saturday afternoon).

x also makes me laugh. genuinely. you know how it is when some guy cracks a joke  (or tries to be funny in a conversation) but does not work. its much more awful than talking about really serious matters. x can make me smile effortlessly (im not sure but maybe because he is my crush). he likes to look at furniture and home decors (which is my secret past-time when i was in manila - i go around homeworld and imagine what my future pad will look like). and he does not restrict me to eat anything i want. he does not see me as a fat boy. im not really fat, but in thai standards where slim for them is unacceptably malnourished for us, i can be called fat. so people always tell me to lose weight and avoid eating too much. he does not do that.

and x has a typical "boy-next-door" image. which i like. although i dont really think we look good together (he’s way taller than me, which does not really jive with my checklist) he’s got this cute eyes and a cute smile (okay shoot me for saying these). i always look at a person’s smile. im always fascinated with smiles. it’s the cheapest way to make us feel good (and apparently, the rest of the planet resorts to other things to gratify them). you can see right through a person through his or her smile.

im not gonna tell my crush anytime soon that i like him. im pretty much okay with the fact that im admiring him. i don’t need to be straightforward or aggressive this time. its not even because im hoping that someday, we’ll land on each other’s arms (sorry for the cliche. it’s midnight.) it’s because im happy this way. you dont need a commitment to say that you have a lovelife. you can secretly love someone and say that you’re happy. i know there’s more to it, but as of now, im not looking for more.

i dont really know if it’s because of the weather which is changing too often, or it’s my lack of sleep (or excessiveness thereof), or it’s just me working hard (or hardly working..)

ang sakit ng ulo ko today.

buti nalang there’s this movie to keep me inspired… better than morphine.

rak haeng siam

cool movie. made me like siam. gallons of it.

ive been a big tiesto fan eversince ive learned to appreciate electronica and house when i was sixteen. been tryin to squeeze in his big cream parties in manila everynow and then, but due to a student’s limited daily allowance, it has always been tough luck for me. two days ago hed kandi was also here. bangkok was like heaven for ravers and drugged people for having this back-to-back mix master’s party. i was still in pattaya those times, enjoying being wet, and i’ve totally forgotten about him. tonight, ill be in pattaya again to attend my friend shannon’s party. im starting to think though that pattaya is a good alternative to tiesto and hed kandi.

its been a month since i flew here to this city. the city of (fallen) angels. (or fallen angles, you choose).

there is no other word to describe how i am doing right now other than LOST. yes, i am LOST in this big city where only 1/10 of the population can talk to you (or even less) which makes my life here even more (or less) exciting (in one way or another). i am lost in translation (Dumlao:2008) and am dying of unfamiliarity. I felt like a ghost floating and unseen (or seen) but unnoticed. So detached from a different world. A world full of noise; a world full of tonal sounds unidentifiable and unrecognizable.

I am lost in translation i feel like a deadwood.

but somehow, i am able to manage by way of sign languages and interpretative dances and a lot of "alay na khrap, kap khun khrap, sawadee khrap" and other crappy phrases.

(in thailand, males always end in "khrap").

you see how "khrappy" my life is here.

happy new year to the world.

i was that much looking forward to welcoming the new year last night when something really tragic happened. there was a power outage.

what is more tragic is that the lights went out around 5 mins after the countdown. so could you imagine us making noises not because we are happy and we are in a revelrous mood but because we’re goin frantic  we dont have electricity.

next picture: eating midnight dinner in the dark. we were trying to create the illusion of a candle-lit dinner to console ourselves of the maximum anxiety that we have, but all that it seems to us is that we’re in an evacuation center full of refugees eating in the dark.

and so i am trying to convince myself as well that the outage was not really a premonition of what there is to come for the year. but just right now, as i am typing this entry, my significant other has just broken up with me.

such a nice way to start the new year.

life is good.